PATO
by BTK
Summary: Vimes, the Watch, lots of other people and... what was it? Oh, yes, a murder. Strange thing, the victim is still alive... FINISHED! Plus the answer to why this is called PATO...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Surprise surprise!!! I'm not Pterry and I own nothing of the following!!! Shocked, aren't you?

**Special Thanx: **To lovely Sanny for the beta, and to Joachim for the priceless help at coming up with the Quirmian names... Just for you to imagine-my ability to think of nice catchy names is probably equivalent with Leonard of Quirm's... But then again, so is my intelligence looks around confused and says ''what?'' while people around him double with laughter

**PROLOGUE**

-"I'd rather be hung upside down in the scorpion pit dressed in Foul Ole Ron's old clothes and wearing Nobby's underwear as a helmet. Sir." Vimes said in one breath, without a hint of hesitation in his voice.

Vetinari stared at him in silence. Vimes was positive that he was thinking somewhere along the lines of 'imagine what the odor would do to my poor scorpions...' or 'that's not a bad idea as such. The smell would remain there for a couple of years adding to the agony of those who deserve to be in the pit...'

After a stare long enough to make a snake run away, the patrician finally broke the silence.

-"If this is your wish your grace, it can be very easily granted.'' he said meekly. Vimes kept staring at a very interesting, ordinary brick in the wall a bit to the right of the patrician's left ear. ''However Commander'' he continued, ''as far as I know neither Foul Ole Ron nor Corporal Nobbs have a second set of clothes or underwear respectively, and it would not be wise to leave them without them in the city. There is a limit to what people can endure.''

-"Sir.'' Vimes managed to say, a bit terrified, since the patrician had managed to imprint a mental image in his head. It was everything but agreeable. He could not do that, not to his city...

-''Nevertheless,'' said Vetinari with a tone of finality, ''I did not request anything, I gave you a direct order for which you _will_ follow. Drumknott will thoroughly inform you on your duties.'' He gracefully picked a paper from his desk and started reading it with interest. It was a report on the taxes paid by the Guild of people who search for things in the sewers. Vimes waited for a moment before he turned and moved angrily to the door. ''And please do transfer my regards to Lady Sybil your grace.'' Vetinari said without looking up from his paper, just a moment before Vimes touched the door handle.

-''Sir.'' was the only thing Vimes managed to say before he furiously stormed out of the room. Vetinari sat back on his uncomfortable chair and allowed himself a barely visible smile as he heard Vimes thumb the wall just outside his office. Playing with Vimes was always an amusing and refreshing break from the boredom of everyday paperwork. In no more than five seconds he had returned his attention to the document in his hands.

Just outside the Oblong office, Drumknott was having a very hard time facing a very, very infuriated Vimes. He was sure this was Vetinari's retaliation because he had misplaced a document last week. His Lordship could be so cruel sometimes... ''Lord Vetinari insists that it is of great importance that your ducal uniform is very well polished. You are the first noble that the ambassador is going to see and it is imperative that you make a good impression.'' Vimes gave him a 'did you just dare call me noble' look. Drumknott tried to ignore it politely-after all he had spent the last couple of years of his life having to endure Vetinari's stares. After that everything else looked like a child's toy. But he was not enjoying himself at any case. ''It is also of extreme importance'' Drumknott carried on,

'that the missing feathers of the helmet are properly replaced, as the Patrician requested. Lord Outrepasse is a man known to pay attention to detail. Although I would hesitate to call the feathers a detail. It is such an underestimation.'' The clerk was quoting as ordered Vetinari's exact words, and he was all too sorry about it.

Vimes' eyes were glowing with anger.

''Underestimation?'' he asked wearily. "There's ten of them, coloured like... I don't know what, and each a feet tall!!! Detail!!! You can see them from a mile! It's the first thing anyone notices, before they understand that the thing in front of them is not a giant bird but a man dressed up beyond the boundaries of stupidity! That is the reason I _accidentally_ misplaced them in the first place!!!'' Vimes was shouting. A lot. He shouted at Drumknott because he couldn't shout at the Patrician. Not that he hadn't done it before, but no man would make a habit out of it. That is no man that valued his life more than a handful of things from Harry King's yard.

Drumknott was trying really hard to stay calm. Or at least to appear so. ''Nevertheless your grace,'' he said with a very slightly trembling voice ''I have taken the liberty to gather a set of feathers, which must be now waiting for you at Pseudopolis Yard. There are a few spare sets too; just in case.'' Drumknott took some small steps back while saying that, because the look on the commander's face was saying: 'If you finish this sentence the way I think you will, I'm going for your throat with my teeth.' He was not too relieved when that didn't happen-things could always turn out even worse.

Vimes understood how close to the Oblong Office they were standing. Vetinari must be listening to everything and terribly enjoying himself. He would not give him that pleasure. ''Whatever...'' he said calmly. ''Is there anything else?''

Drumknott was taken aback by the sudden change of tone. Was this the calm before the storm? Would he finally die on duty? Was this the end and he hadn't even said goodbye to his mom?

''Yes?'' said Vimes rather impatiently.

Drumknott snapped out of his reverie. ''Yes... I mean no. It is after all a simple welcoming occasion. It should be nothing special. There is however a letter with all the details waiting for you on your desk.'' he said. ''Next to the feathers.'' he added, merely to give a point of reference on Vimes' legendary desk-so that the letter could be found during this century- but quickly regretted it, biting hard on his tongue...

Vimes' reply was nothing more than a long growl before - and after - he turned his back and walked away...


	2. Chapter 2

This part may look just a little bit (or a big bit anyway...) with the beginning of Jingo. It's only temporary I can assure you. Or not. Whatever...

oo0oo

**PART 2**

The commander was walking toward Pseudopolis Yard, following his feet as usually, since his head was too busy being angry. He had to welcome Lord Outrepasse the next ambassador of Quirm to the city, after Vetinari's orders. And he should be wearing his ridiculous Ducal uniform. Lord Outrepasse was thought to be Quirm's next strong man-rumors had it that he was planning to overthrow the king. Vetinari wanted to give him a formal welcoming to the city, but not formal enough to come by himself. After all Lord Outrepasse was not the king of Quirm. Yet.

'Damn all these social stuff' he thought. Maybe he should sent Sybil. After all she was a Duchess and a Lady. And she also liked these... things. Whereas he would have to stand in the middle of a square packed with people looking like a fool, having to warmly welcome to Ankh-Morpork someone he will most probably dislike... Damned politics...

He reached the Watch Headquarters in a very bad mood. Everyone tried to avoid him when he entered. Everyone but Captain Carrot who approached him cheerfully and announced ''Good morning sir! There's something waiting for you on your desk from the palace!'' Vimes didn't reply, so Carrot continued speaking while they climbed up the stairs to the office. ''I took the initiative to clear a small part of your desk so that the package doesn't get lost sir. It was signed as very urgent. I found a small mouse while I was doing that, though. Frankly sir, I think you should clean your desk more often."

Vimes remained silent as he crossed his office towards the desk. A package with a letter on top of it was put in a small clean square on the desk. Not just clean-actually it was shining. 'Typical Carrot...' he thought as he put the letter aside and opened the package. It contained three sets of feathers, a bottle of armor polishing liquid and a piece of cloth. Who said his Lordship didn't have a sense of humor? He groaned.

''Anything interesting happening in the city Carrot?'' he said.

''Yes sir, of course!'' said Carrot enthusiastically. ''There's a new dwarf bread exhibition in the ...''

''I mean anything unusual Captain.'' interrupted Vimes, frowning. Carrot sometimes behaved more dwarfish than the average dwarf that has never been out of a mine did.

''It is an unusually big exhibition sir!'' the captain said honestly.

''Damn it Carrot - anything that has to do with criminals!!!'' replied the Commander impatiently. Carrot opened his mouth to answer but Vimes spoke over him ''And don't tell me that the doorman of the exhibition has been convicted for shoplifting!''

''Well it's just rumors sir. He's never been convicted. But how did you kn...'' The expression on the Commander's face finally made Carrot catch up. ''Oh... I see...'' he said thoughtfully before turning happy again. ''Nothing important sir. Everything is jolly good.'' he said with a big grin.

Vimes continued to stare at him in silence. Sometimes it was hard to believe that the huge man in front of him actually had a functional brain. ''What do you know about Lord Outrepasse?'' he finally asked Carrot- the Watch's walking encyclopedia.

''Oh... Very famous fellow sir! He's coming to Ankh-Morpork as Quirm's new ambassador tomorrow. It is said that the king sent him here to reduce his influence back home, but as far as I know he has a very open mind on economics, and plans to establish a free trade relationship between Quirm and Ankh-Morpork. A very well educated and modern man sir.'' said the Captain seriously.

Vimes groaned again. ''I'm sure he is Captain...'' he said, mainly to himself.

ooOoo

The only source of light in the massive hall was a small candle positioned strategically behind the room's only chair.

''You shoot to kill'' ordered the man sitting in the chair. ''There is no room for mistakes.''

''Indeed sir'' answered the man standing in front of him - hooded and dressed all in black.

''I'm glad you can understand my perspective.'' the seated man said seriously. ''I will only contact you again after you have done your job. Do have a nice day.''

As the hooded figure walked out of the small circle of visibility produced by the candle, into the even darker shadows around it, the other man sat back on his chair, a sinister smile on his face.

ooOoo

The official welcoming of Quirm's new ambassador was to take place at the city's main square. Lord ... of course wouldn't just arrive in the city - he had spent the last week or so in his country's embassy, getting everything to work properly under his command, as Vimes guessed.

The square was filled with a good 2000 persons, as Vimes could roughly estimate. Some of the people were Quirmians living in the city, that went there to see the person said to be the next king of Quirm. Even more were curious Morporkians with nothing more interesting to do, that wanted to see what had made so many people stand in the cold instead of staying in their warm houses. A significant number was formed of people trying to sell any kind of things to the rest. One was CMOT Dibbler who was currently trying to sell to Captain Carrot a flag with Ankh-Morpork on the one side and Quirm on the other. He was not very successful so far. The rest of the people were watchmen (and women, and other things). Almost half of the Watch was needed to keep the peace in a place like that.

And everyone was looking at Vimes. Or at least he thought so. He was hard to miss in any way. Wilkins had spent two hours the previous day polishing the ducal uniform, so that one could finally see every detail of his reflection on the breastplate. The feathers had also been adjusted to the helmet, having as a result something that in Vimes' opinion was pretty close to a fool's hat.

An impressively decorated carriage moved slowly through the sea of people, amidst a group of watchmen trying to cut through them. It took a long time until it reached it's goal and halted in front of the Duke. The door opened revealing first two tall muscular men that almost had 'bodyguard' written on their foreheads, then an elegant good-looking woman and finally...

'Ah... The ambassador.' Vimes thought. 'At least there's a man that impressively enough has managed to wear something that looks even more ridiculous than the ducal uniform. Gods be praised.'

The party of four moved towards the Commander. Lord Outrepasse looked as comfortable in his clothes as he would look in an everyday suit. Some people just have it in them.

''On behalf of the people of this great city, I welcome you to Ankh-Morpork your lordship'' Vimes said, having been practicing this 'speech' for several hours. He just hated social duties.

''Why, thank you Sir Samuel.'' replied Lord Outrepasse ''But please, a man of your titles and fame doesn't need to call me lordship! Sir Jean will do just fine. It's so much more friendly...'' He grinned a flawless set of teeth at the Commander.

Sam Vimes was not at all fond of the idea of using titles to refer to somebody. But he didn't reserve this privilege just for the nobility like the man standing in front of him. The ambassador was too aware of his social status, confident, slimy and generally all too 'noble'. He quickly decided he didn't like him at all. But then again Vimes hardly liked his guts, let alone some foreign noble guy…

''And this over here'' Lord Outrepasse continued ''is my lovely wife Eleon…''

At which point something flew very fast next to the Commander's ear and buried itself on the throat of the bodyguard standing right next to the ambassador.

oo0oo

So, pleaaaase tell me if you liked that… I like feedback. No, I love feedback. No I adore feedback… Do review and tell me if you liked the story, the style etc, and if not tell me what I should correct. I'm not planning to continue if I don't get at least 1257 reviews for what I've written so far…

Anyway, please review… And does anyone want to guess what the title means? I would be really surprised if you do, but you're welcome to try anyway…


	3. Chapter 3

Hello beloved readers!!! I am terribly sorry for the delay... This part has been ready for a week now, but I had returned home with the extremely slow internet connection and I was soooooo bored to get on the internet... I miss my wifi... Anyway, this is part 3, enjoy!!! (Or just read-it's only a matter of perspective...)

**PART 3**

''Detritus!!!!" shouted Vimes immediately after watching the arrow penetrate the bodyguard's throat.

It was a very cold winter morning, so Detritus and two more troll officers had taken place in a protective way around of the small party before the body hit the ground. There was no second arrow.

''Carrot!!! Get the ambassador back in the carriage now and take him to the embassy! Angua! With me!'' shouted Vimes as he slipped out of the trolls' protective circle and started running towards the place he guessed the arrow had come from.

People were running like crazy in all directions around Vimes and Angua, making their job more difficult. An arrow of unknown origin all the way through somebody's throat is one of the best ways to disperse a large group of people - although in Ankh-Morpork it's not even half as good as announcing that the first fifty people to leave will get a free beer...

Vimes made full use of his boots and elbows to reach his target - an abandoned old building not too far from the point were they met the ambassador. Judging from the arrow's course he assumed it had been fired from the second floor. But he had all abandoned buildings searched and guarded, how could anyone get inside? Angua, being half immortal was the first one to enter the second floor's only room. Empty. There was a thick layer of dust on the floor, disturbed only around the door, probably by the watchman who searched the building the previous night. The windows were sealed by layers of wood leaving only small spaces in between them, hardly big enough for a gnome to get through, but definitely big enough for an arrow. The only place where the dust seemed to be disturbed, without however signs of apparent footsteps, was the fireplace. '_Damn! The fireplace!!!' _the Commander thought. He went over to it. The chimney was big enough for a person of Nobby's proportions to slide through. 'Hmmm. Nobby...' Vimes started thinking but quickly pushed away the idea - Corporal Nobbs was not tall enough to reach the window...

''Why are you standing there sergeant? I obviously can't make out a lot with my senses.'' said Vimes bitterly. A man getting killed, especially while protecting a noble's life was enough to spoil his mood. Not that his mood was good enough to begin with.

''Peppermind sir. Lods of id. And blood.'' Angua answered, while she kept her nose closed with two fingers.

Vimes sniffed. Although he was no werewolf, the scent was strong enough for a human who was trying hard to smell it. If he was not such a heavy smoker, he would have probably noticed it without the sergeant's help.

''Err... Whatever, go search the other rooms anyway.'' he said as he turned his attention to the thing that made him sure that the assassination attempt had been made from the otherwise clueless room. A piece of paper was pinned right next to the window. A crossbow facing down was painted on it with what without Angua's last phrase would have been considered red paint. A set of narrow eyes were also painted, one on each side of the crossbow, giving the impression of a smiling face to the drawing. The blood was not even half dry.

'Damned assassins. They think they're so cool leaving something behind.' thought Vimes. But who could climb down a chimney that narrow, walk over to the window without a trace, shoot an arrow and retreat hastily but without leaving behind anything he didn't want to be found? 'Well, Vetinarifor one. But _he_ wouldn't have missed...'

''Err... The other rooms are clear sir.'' Angua said when she returned. ''Could I go now sir? The smell is a bit hard on the nose...''

''What? Oh, yes sure.'' Vimes said absent mindedly, not raising his eyes from the piece of paper. ''Tell Cheery to come here as soon as possible, ask the gargoyles if they've seen anything, tell Detritus to interview the neighbors and see if you and Carrot can come up with anything about this drawing. ''He saw the worried look on Angua's face and added ''I'll make a less bloody copy for you Sergeant. And ask Downey if there was a contract on the ambassador. You may go.''

''Sir.'' replied Angua before rushing outside to the fresh air. Or at least the kind of air that doesn't smell like peppermint and blood. Fresh in Ankh-Morpork was out of the question.

ooOoo

''You do realise Commander, that an unsolved assassination case is not in the best interest of the city. A failure to reach a new trade agreement with Quirm would be a considerable backstep in efforts that have lasted for a very long time.''

Vimes was standing still inside the Oblong Office, trying hard to avoid the Patrician's stare.

''You have 48 hours to answer all the questions your grace.'' Vetinari said calmly.

''Sir.'' said Vimes obediently but without moving.

''You now have 47 hours, 59 minutes and 43 seconds your grace. More or less. Do not let me detain you.'' said Vetinari with a tone of mild displeasure in his voice.

'He really needs to get himself a wife...' Vimes was thinking while exiting the office. The man was becoming more and more unbearable by the hour.

ooOoo

Vimes was sitting in his messy office lighting a cigar and looking at his two best officers standing nervously in front of him.

''Soooo?'' he said expectantly.

''Sorry sir. Nothing new sir.'' Angua said. ''Lord Downey insists there has been no contract on the ambassador sir. The gargoyles said there were unexpectedly lots of pigeons in the area, and Cheery came to a dead end sir. She says that the shot came from where you said too, but apparently no one seems to had been near the window before you did. She is however sure that the arrow was handmade and rather unique sir. Detritus managed to get confessions out of most of the neighbors, but that was only after he held them upside down out of the window sir. I don't think the neighbors have seen anything sir. And I think you should have a word with Detritus.''

"Mmmmpf...'' answered Vimes while chewing passionately his cigar. ''Carrot?''

''Well sir, I think I have good news about the drawing.'' the Captain said cheerfully. ''Mr. Lombard, I met him this morning in Mrs. Prill's bakery - you know, the one on Runzel street - I was there because...''

''I frankly don't care Captain! Get on with it!'' hissed Vimes, looking ready to explode just like one of Sibyl's swamp dragons.

Carrot earned a Look from Angua saying 'You don't wind up Vimes when he's in a Mood, stupid...', but he was not sure what he had done to deserve it.

''Anyway'', he continued, "Mr. Lombard told me that his brother in law - that would be Mr. Werner..." There was another Look from Angua, but Carrot kept going without a stop. ''... probably knows someone who can find a person who would know where to ask for it. Sir.''

''_Excellent_ job Captain...'' said Vimes, venom almost dripping from his mouth. He would probably die in a matter of seconds should he just swallow.

''Why, thank you sir!'' said the impervious to sarcasm Carrot, grinning, before his girlfriend slapped him on the back of his head and dragged him towards the exit. Vimes could hear Carrot asking ''What?'' in a surprised and hurt tone of voice while the two of them were climbing down the stairs.

'Unique arrow...' thought Vimes once he was left alone in his office. 'Why do they have to hire those bloody foreign assassins? Ours are cocky bastards, but at least you know what to expect...'

He took a blank piece of paper from his desk (or at least blank on one side, on the other side there was a request from Nobby for a raise...) and started scribbling Lord Outrepasse's name in the middle. Or maybe he should write sir Jean in a friendly way, he laughed to himself.

Who wants him dead? 'Damn. That would be a lot of people...' he thought. Starting with the king. No king wants someone too powerful in their kingdom, why should Louis d' Ennuyeux be any different? He did sent him to Ankh-Morpork, yes, but why stop there?

'Hmmm... How do you question another country's king? Maybe I should send Carrot...' the Commander thought.

'And the Merchants... Anyone who is selling something that can be imported cheaper from Quirm, would want the men that are planning to sign a free trade agreement dead. That would be Outrepasse and the Patrician. And no one is stupid or suicidal enough to try to kill Vetinari... And the same goes for the Merchants in Quirm. Crap. Who do I start with?'

Vimes lit another cigar and sat back on his chair. He inhaled a couple of times, then violently extinguished it in the ashtray, picked up his battered helmet and stormed out of his office. ''I'm off to the Merchants Guild'' he hastily told Carrot on his way out of the Watch House. ''You, try to find the head of the Quirmian Merchants that have arrived here with the ambassador and question him on the attempt.'' Vimes quickened his pace, leaving the young Captain behind. There was no time to lose, the Patrician was quite specific on that.

It was only afternoon, but it had started getting dark already, the shadows growing darker around the Commander. It had been a really long day, Vimes thought as he followed his feet to the Guild. And he still didn't have a clue as to who was behind the attack.

He was walking silently and absent mindedly in one of Ankh-Morpork's many dark narrow alleys, when he spotted a glimpse of shiny metal on the cobblestones, a few feet ahead of him. 'Is that a silver coin?' he thought, momentarily forgetting he was one of the wealthiest men in the city. He ducked to grab it exactly at the moment when an arrow flew through the point where his heart would have been, had he been standing instead.

ooOoo

Yes, it does seem I'm repeating myself... Sorry... I promise there will be no arrows in the end of the next chapter...

Anyway, many many thanks to all the lovely people that reviewed, namely the Midget Bee, cutie-akane, Big Cat, Crowfeeder, Vetinari's eyes, Annie, MJ MODx2. I love you all so much!!!! It was so refreshing to know that there are people out there who like this!!! You made me so happy I thought I could fly!!! (fortunately I was on the ground floor...) I hope you enjoyed this part too, and if not, feel free to tell me...

Don't let your burning desire to review well... burn you! Just press the GO button on your screen!!! PLEASE!!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Happy new year everyone!!! I'm back with a new chapter, that is my favourite so far!!! I hope you enjoy it too!!!

ooOoo

**PART 4**

Vimes hastily looked up, saw the hooded man behind a window and flew. This time he would catch the bastard.

He burst into the building and ran up the stairs, three steps at a time. A closed door appeared in front of him-he just knew the assassin had already escaped or was standing behind it, waiting for him. Although it hardly seemed like a good idea, he took a knife from his belt and shot himself through the door, ducking as he did so, while another arrow was flying over his head. The knife left his hand-the beast doing all the thinking-aiming at the other persons shoulder. In a single moment of agony, the surprised assassin wasn't fast enough to escape, and the momentum of the strike was enough to throw the skinny man out of the open window.

Vimes heard the noise of a body falling to the ground, but nevertheless looked carefully out of the window, as if ready for an assault from a man hanging just outside. But all he saw was a still body lying in the pavement below him. "Damn" he thought. This was not the ideal way to get him to testify.

ooOoo

The Commander entered Pseudopolis Yard carrying the dead body. It weighted almost nothing. A young constable offered to help him but Vimes denied the offer. He hardly knew half of the Watch these days, and he had to admit with a great sense of guilt that he didn't trust the other half. He took the assassin down to Igor's basement and laid him on the examination table.

"Oh…" Igor said. "Pothible cauthe of death?" he asked. Vimes took a moment to stretch.

"He accidentally fell off the third floor. Maybe my knife through his heart helped too." the Commander said passively. "I was aiming for the shoulder you know…" he added, more to himself.

"Of courthe you did thir. I'll take care of him now thir."

"Err… good. I'll go then" Vimes said and quickly left the room. Down there he always had the weird sense he was being followed… Maybe it had something to do with the eyes floating in unknown liquids in glasses on the shelves. You hardly ever get used to things like that.

The Commander was rather happy to be back on the ground floor. "Sir!" Angua shouted from the other side of the room. She came closer and announced "Lord Downey is waiting for you in your office sir. He is rather frustrated sir."

"He is, isn't he. Someone else got his money…" he mumbled to himself as he started climbing the stairs. "Where is Carrot?" he asked his sergeant without turning.

"Apparently he went off to search for his 'lead' for the drawing. Like the one you have wrapped up inside your pocket sir." the werewolf said.

"Oh, sorry… Send him up when he comes." Vimes said and entered his office.

Downey shot up from his chair and started shouting the moment he heard the door crack. "This is preposterous!!!" he said. "You should be ashamed to call yourself Commander of the City Watch when you allow things like that to happen!!! Today an unlicensed assassination attempt, tomorrow the world!!! You should have already caught that bloody assassin, or for this I should better call him murderer!!!"

Vimes had carefully ignored the head of the Assassins Guild, gone behind his desk, sat on his chair and slowly lit a cigar. The nonchalance of his movements made Downey even more angry.

"How can you be so impassive, man? This is a matter of national importance!!! If you don't immediately catch him I will…"

"He is downstairs in Igor's lab if you want to talk to him." Vimes interrupted. "But don't expect him to talk back. He is in a rather… grave situation."

"Oh…" Downey replied. An assassin had no fear of a dead body but one should have a very strong stomach to imagine what an Igor's lab would look like, and no stomach at all to witness what an Igor would do to a dead body. But he decided not to let go so easily. "And how can you be so sure it's him?" he asked.

Vimes tapped the outer part of his pocket where a bloodied piece of paper was carefully wrapped up around two 'unique' arrows. "There is evidence." he said.

"What? I demand to see…"

"You're not my superior Downey. Clues are Watch business, not yours. If you have a problem with that, take it up to Vetinari. Now, _milord _I am a very busy man. So if you would please go. Unless of course you would like to visit Igor." Vimes stated in an absolute tone of voice.

"I'll go now but don't think this is over! I will take it up to Vetinari!" Downey made a hollow threat and retreated himself. He was not too happy with the development of the case. He had already assigned to some of his best students to deal with the 'murderer', and he was hoping it would be a good educational experience.

Lord Downey was only halfway down the stairs when Captain Carrot entered the Commander's office, a worried look on his face.

"Sir!!! What happened?" he asked. Vimes shortly explained. Carrot was now looking at him in awe. "You have been extremely lucky sir!" He took the bloody drawing out of his pocket. "Mr. Lombard was right, you know!" he said. "I managed to find out what this drawing is about!" Now it was the Commander's turn to look at his Captain in awe.

"This is the trademark of a famous Agatean assassin sir! The one in Igor's lab!" Carrot announced proudly. "He leaves one of these behind every time he inhumes sir! They say he draws them with his own blood! He is said to be very small in size but very big in talents sir! His nickname is 'le petit mort', it means 'the small death' in quirmian. I believe it is a reference to his size in comparison with his killing talent, a witticism sir." Carrot said conspiratorially. Vimes raised his eyebrows in pure surprise, but the Captain continued nonetheless. "And they also say he never misses! And yet sir he missed thrice trying to kill you! Congratulations sir!"

"Hmmm… Thank you, I guess…" muttered Vimes slowly, and then like snapping out of a reverie asked: "What do you mean he tried to kill me thrice?"

"Well sir…" said Carrot uneasily "I assumed that he was trying to kill you the first time too sir… After all Lord Outrepasse was not the only important person standing right next to that poor bodyguard, you are more important than you think sir. And you have many ruthless enemies sir." Carrot felt Vimes' blank stare gazing through his scull. "Which is a good thing, because it means you have done many good things for…"he added as if trying to make his position lighter, but his voice trailed away when he understood the Commander was paying no attention to him. "Are you all right sir?" he asked.

"What? Yeah, sure." Vimes replied waking up. "It's just that I never thought of it that way. Just put two men to guard Sybil and Sam when I'm not there will you?" he added.

"Right away sir!" Carrot said, saluting perfectly, and left the room.

Vimes put his face in his hands. This was very bad news. Not the actual fact that somebody wanted him dead, that was not pleasant but all too common news to worry him. But he had to solve the case in less than two days, and the people that wanted him dead on the disc should be... well, no more than a million, he bitterly admitted to himself. Of which no more than ten thousand had the financial capacity to pay his killing contract. 'Well, that's not too much... I'll have it solved in no more than a couple of months...' he laughed to himself.

But something wasn't right. If the assassin has the fame that he never misses, it means that he always finishes the job. And this afternoon, when he missed by pure luck he stayed there to finish. Why didn't he stay there the first time? Was he afraid of Angua perhaps? And why did he leave his trademark behind though he wasn't successful? Did he really leave in that much of a hurry?

"Damn. I'm getting myself a headache..." he whispered.

ooOoo

Corporal Nobbs and Sergeant Colon were sitting in the Watch House's reception desk downstairs, each with a hot cup of tea in his hand. At the moment Colon was sharing his infinite wisdom with Nobby.

"... as I've told you before Nobby, no rest comes to the wicked! Remember my words!" Colon said knowingly.

"Of course sarge" Nobby replied in admiration.

"Take for example Lady Eleonor, the ambassadors wife. She wanted everything for herself didn't she? She is married with the strongest man in Quirm, and despite that, she wanted to have another lover, you know, Joachim, the bodyguard. And now her lover is dead and someone is trying to kill her husband. But evil comes to the wicked, so it suits her. Do you see what I mean Nobby?"

"Sure thing sarge!" Nobby answered seriously. "You know, my aunt Tilda had told me another story like that for a woman that stole a chicken and then her dog turned into a swamp monster and ate her..."

"Err... Not sure you got the right thing there Nobby..."

"No? Then maybe about that man that grew a pig's tail after he threw garbage in his neighbors back yard?"

"Well, Nobby... Look..."

The werewolf's sensitive ears had stopped listening a while ago. The world around her had shrunk to zero - she stood completely still while trying to assess the given information in her mind. "Damn!" she said aloud after a short moment and immediately raced up the steps to the Commander's Office.

oo0oo

Well, I hope you liked that!!! Did you see it coming?

It needs some explanation, though, for the joke concerning 'le petit mort', which many of you probably didn't get. It has one more meaning than the obvious, but I really think I shouldn't mention it here... Search for it if you want!

That reminds me, did I thank sanny for the beta? No? Shame... THANK YOU SANNY!!! You are wonderful despite the things I tell you from time to time... Ok, all the time, will you stop shouting now?

Again, another very big thank you for everyone that reviewed!!! I'm so happy you liked it!!! So, thank you Cutie-Acane, Midget Bee, Big Cat, MJ MOD, Fan of Pterry, Rex-Rodentium. Did I say I love you? No? What's wrong with me? I LOVE YOU!!!

And I have to also thank you for the fact that all critisism was constructive!!! I'll try to follow your advice!!!

And an answer to Crowfeeder's review of chapter 2: I said I didn't understand what you meant by Principal of the form-End of the form, but I've just read chap 2 again and I got it. There are these words there in spanish, but I really have no idea why!!! I'll correct it now... Sorry for the misunderstanding, when I said title I meant PATO...

Well, that's all!!! For now... I hope I can find some time to update soon! Thanks for reading, everyone!!! A review for this chapter would be more than welcome... Come on just do it... You know you want to. Or at least I want to. Please?


	5. Chapter 5

Yep! It's me! I'm sorry to leave you with a cliffhanger and take so long to post the next chapter, but I... Well, I had... Actually, because... Yeah, whatever, no real excuse...

Anyway, back to the story, I think you should reread the last part of the previous chapter-the one with Nobby and Colon to understand the beginning of this. So, enjoy reading! This is the most important chapter in the story!

**PART 5**

Angua raced up the stairs to the Commander's office.

"What's wrong with her?" asked Colon.

"You know how it goes sarge, it's full moon in two days, she doesn't need a reason to be strange. She probab..."

At which point the Commander's roaring voice from upstairs interrupted the conversation.

"COLOOOOON!!!!!!!"

Colon risked to spend a tiny moment, shooting a terrified glance at the Corporal and ran upstairs.(As much as the words run and Colon make sense in the same sentence. It had the velocity of an easy stroll, more or less.)

Only a couple of seconds after the door had closed behind Colon, a simple black carriage stopped just outside the Watch House. A man climbed down, went into Pseudopolis Yard and went straight to the Commander's office. He knocked and entered without waiting for an answer.

"What do you want Drumknott?" asked Vimes impatiently.

"His Lordship has called for you sir" Drumknott managed to answer in complete control despite the tension in the room.

"Can't you see I'm busy?" said Vimes sarcastically.

"He says it's of extreme importance sir, and that you have to follow me immediately. The carriage is waiting outside."

Vimes sighed. After all he'd have to tell Vetinari anyway. "In five minutes." he said.

"Now." said Drumknott in a firm tone of voice.

Three pairs of eyes stared at him. He looked at the first one. It belonged to an infuriated Commander Vimes. He swallowed hardly. He looked at the second one. It belonged to an angry werewolf. He took a step back. He looked at the third one. It belonged to the round frightened face of Sergeant Colon. He stared back.

"I'll be..." he said, two octaves higher than his normal tone of voice. He cleared his throat. "Ahem... I'll be waiting outside, if you don't mind, Commander." he finally managed to say, before he ran out of the office.

oo0oo

Vimes entered the Oblong Office at break-neck speed. Drumknott had spent too much energy trying to avoid eye contact with the Commander while in the carriage, and so he didn't bother to run up the stairs before him, to announce that he had come.

Vetinari did not look up from his paperwork despite the dramatic entrance. Only after a couple of minutes, that made Vimes even more anxious did he decide to raise his head.

"Ah, Commander... What brings you here?" he said.

"Sir! I found out who is behind the assassination!" Vimes almost screamed.

"Is that so?" replied a smooth voice.

"You would not believe it sir! It is actually Outrepasse! There was no missed shot, he wanted to kill the bodyguard!!!" Vimes shouted enthusiastically.

"Well, it is only expected since the bodyguard had a... special bond with his wife for the past two years" Vetinari answered calmly.

The Commander's face turned blank. "What? You mean you already knew? Why the hell didn't you tell me before?"

The slow rise of the Patrician's eyebrows was the only movement in the room for a minute or so.

"I did not Commander? Why, I specifically remember sending you a full report on the ambassador along with the feathers." Vetinari said in an originally surprised voice.

"Oh..." Vimes managed to say after a while, in a tone of voice resembling a small child that has just remembered something. "In an envelope, right? It must be somewhere on my desk sir."

"Of course. The desk." the Patrician replied fastidiously, an evident frown on his face. He glanced at his perfectly ordered desk, as if trying to get the image of Vimes' out of his head and continued: "I called you here Commander because I require a very subtle and polite treatment to this assassination case. I do not intend to question your usual interrogation techniques, but this case is politically all too delicate to be subdued to your everyday self, your grace."

Vimes' face was quickly approaching the color of a ripe tomato. "I know how to do my job, sir." he finally stated aggressively.

"It has always been a firm belief of mine that you are an excellent Watch Commander. However, this mostly concerns your position as the Duke of Ankh, and since your hatred of politics is common knowledge, I am merely offering you my advice as someone who has been in the profession for some years too many. I would not dream of telling you how to do your job Commander." Vetinari replied smoothly.

Vimes was frozen, irritation covering his anger. He had been outwitted; again. "Very well sir." he answered in a deceptively calm voice. "Anything else?"

"Not as such, your grace. I do trust you will personally inform me if anything goes wrong during the procedure. Have a nice evening Commander." he said while he graciously picked up a piece of paper from his desk.

'Yeah, as if that is likely to happen' thought Vimes, frowning. "Sir." he said instead and moved out of the office.

The Patrician took his quill in a pale hand, and quickly wrote something on a blank piece of paper. He handled it to Drumknott who had soundlessly slipped in the Oblong Office. "Clack this to the King of Quirm now, and require an immediate reply." he said. As Drumknott swiftly left the room, Vetinari sat back on his chair, a sinister smile on his face.

oo0oo

"Carrot! Angua!" Vimes roared as he entered the Watch House. The two officers appeared in front of him. "With me! We're going to an Embassy", he declared and hastily exited Pseudopolis Yard, Carrot and Angua racing to catch up with his angry pace.

"Err... Sir?" the Captain said carefully. "It is 11 in the night sir. It is not considered polite to make social visits at this hour."

Vimes made a few more steps before he realized what Carrot said. "And who said we're making a social visit Captain?" he hissed.

"Sir." Angua picked up. "Carrot is right. We don't want to look invasive, or Outrepasse will stay in the Embassy, where we can't arrest him sir. He must think he is safe."

Vimes sighed and gave up. "I guess you're right. We'll go tomorrow in the morning. I'm too angry to think properly, again." he admitted in defeat.

"That is not a problem sir!" Carrot said cheerfully. "I've heard there are some excellent anger management classes at the Dwarf Bread Museum. One can apparently control one's anger by exploring the recreational experience that dwarf bread can offer, and at the same ti..."

He stopped because of another slap on the back of his head by Angua-the second in one day. He started protesting but then he noticed the Commander's blank stare and retreated.

Carrot mumbled something in dwarfish under his breath while they were getting back to the Watch House. The following day would be as long as this one.

oo0oo

The Commander knocked on the Embassy's door at 10 sharp the following morning. Surrounded by Watchmen and Quirmian guards, the Embassy looked like a fortress. Vimes wanted to give the impression that he still thought Outrepasse was in danger.

An old butler opened the main door. "Your grace, officers." he said politely, with the slightest quirmian accent, giving a small bow at the same time. "Please come in. How could I be of assistance?"

"We would like to meet Lord Outrepasse and his wife. I hope they have overcome the shock from yesterday's incident?" Vimes asked in his most polite and innocent voice.

"Of course." the butler said. "If you would like to wait in the hall for a moment, while I inform them on your arrival?" He gestured at the direction of the hall. "Please, make yourselves comfortable, I will bring some tea in a minute." he said and silently left the room.

Vimes sat on the comfortable sofa, Carrot and Angua on either side of him. In no more than two minutes Lord Outrepasse appeared at the top of the stairs, his wife holding his arm. They slowly descended, fixed smiles on their faces, towards the small group of Watchmen, that rose from their seats.

"Sir Samuel! Such a pleasure to see you so soon." the ambassador declared with his usual, pleasant tone of authority, ignoring the other two officers. Vimes only nodded. "So, how could I be of any help?" Outrepasse continued.

"Well, sir Jean, it is customary to ask the targets of assassination attempts if they can think of any motives." Vimes answered, trying hard to look convincing.

"Ah, but of course. Please take a seat." Outrepasse said while the ageless butler placed the cups of tea on the table.

Vimes spoke first. "Would you think of anyone that could gain from your death?"

"Unfortunately yes, Commander." he said looking shattered. "The very king of our fair state, I am afraid, would very much want me dead. He thinks I pose a threat to his throne, which of course is completely absurd. I have already talked to Mr. De Worde about that. It is a hard thing to find out that your beloved king, the one to whom you've been loyal for so many years, wants your death."

Vimes glanced at Lady Eleanor. She was still smiling, but obviously nervous and almost trembling while her husband was citing his story.

"I am very sorry to hear that sir Jean. That feeling must indeed be awful." Vimes said, his face radiating honesty. "So there is no one else you can think of?" he asked.

"I am afraid not, sir Samuel. I am glad to admit that I enjoy great popularity among my people." the ambassador said. "I heard that the assassin has been caught while trying to inhume you, is that true?" he asked with an only just traceable bit of fear in his voice.

"Yes it is." Vimes replied seriously. "A foreign assassin of unknown identity. Probably trying to dispose of me in order to distract the search of your assassination attempt. Unfortunately I didn't catch him alive in order to interrogate him. A pity, he is of no real use now." The Commander was quite content with the way things were going so far.

The relief in Outrepasse's eyes was rather obvious to the trained eye. "As much as it is a pleasure to see you sir Samuel, I am afraid I have to leave. I was in the middle of a very important meeting when you arrived, and my presence is required there. So if you would excuse me, my lovely wife will show you out." With that, the ambassador graciously got up and left the way he had come.

With that the Commander turned to Lady Eleanor, as they all got up and started walking towards the door. "A pity though about the bodyguard..." he said. "You wouldn't happen to know if he had any keen, would you?"

The woman started sweating. With a trembling voice she said: "I wouldn't know... We are really not very close with the people in our service, I'm sorry."

"Of course..." Vimes answered knowingly. "How foolish of me to ask." When the watchmen were just outside the door the Commander suddenly turned around and in something more than a whisper said: "If there is anything you wish to share with me, you know where to find me. Have a nice day."

Lady Eleanor remained still under the door for some moments, startled by what she had just heard.

When the small group was well out of earshot, Angua took the initiative to speak first. "Nothing unexpected sir. The man was lying and the woman was dead with fear."

Vimes smiled and lit a cigar. "Anything else sergeant?" he asked.

The werewolf thought for a moment and then replied, grinning. "Yes, indeed. The butler hadn't washed his hands after going to the toilet. Rather unhygienic I would say."

The Commander only rolled his eyes, but Carrot, standing next to him was in complete shock. "He did what?" he asked exasperated. "He made the tea with... dirty hands?" The very idea seemed completely appalling.

Vimes, without shifting his gaze said: "Relax Captain. You have accepted tea from Nobby more than once before. Do you think he has _ever _washed his hands?" A small smile formed on the Duce's face when he saw Carrot drop his jaw and not say another word for the rest of the walk. Angua on the other hand was not that good at concealing her laughter, but Carrot was all too shocked to notice.

oo0oo

Corporal Nobbs was sitting at the reception desk with Sergeant Colon, and he immediately offered tea as he saw his commanding officers enter the building. He expected a 'thank you' or at least a nod, but surely not a lengthy lesson on hygiene by the Captain.

Vimes and Angua went up to the office, while Carrot started explaining to Nobby the use of soap. Now all they had to do was wait.

After about half an hour later, when Nobby had started to understand the use of soap, although not really persuaded for it, a very flustered Lady Outrepasse entered the Commander's office and asked him with a pleading voice "Can you protect me from him?"

oo0oo

Did you like it? I hope you did, considering how long it took me to update... I'm afraid I have to say that this story is almost over. There's only a (long) epilogue left... I'll try to post it soon, but don't expect too much from me, I am totally not good at that...

First things first, thank you Sanny for the beta!!! Again...

Once again, thanks to all the wonderful people that reviewed! So, THANK YOU Midget Bee, MJ MOD, Big Cat, Vetinari's Eyes, Cutie Acane, Ihadanepiphany. I was pleasantly surprised that some of you got the "petite mort" joke... It would be a terrible loss otherwise... But considering how lovely and clever and beautiful and wonderful and perfect my reviewers are, it was only to be expected... So, lovely, clever, beautiful, wonderful and perfect people, review again? Please?


	6. Chapter 6

The Epilogue at last!!!

**Epilogue**

Vimes sat back in his chair, content with himself. His little trick had worked, and Lady Eleanor had come to him and confessed everything she knew about her husband. How he had her lover killed, looking as an attempt on his life, and tried to put the blame on their King. And then how he tried to get rid of Vimes, so that the Watch would shift their full attention to another case. And finally how he threatened to kill her, so that she wouldn't even think of opening her mouth. But with Detritus and Sally as her personal bodyguards, Lord Outrepasse would have to gather an army to get through to her.

Vimes lit a cigar and looked at Angua and Carrot, who were standing a few feet away from him. It was really a devilish plan, Vimes mused. But now he would pay for it. All they had to do, was to lure him out of the Embassy to arrest him. But how?

There was a light knock on the door. "Come in!" Vimes said. Drumknott opened the door, but hesitated to enter the office after he took a look at the people inside. "Yes, come in Drumknott, we don't have all day!" the Commander growled.

Drumknott quickly went up to Vimes, and handed him an envelope. "His Lordship requires that you read this immediately your grace, and that by no means are you to leave it on your desk first." he announced formally, but looked ready to fly, should the Commander get insulted and leap at him. Vimes only raised his eyebrows in a Vetinari fashion, but opened the envelope nevertheless, revealing a letter written in the Patrician's tiny and careful handwriting.

_Your Grace,_

_You a kindly requested to escort Lord_

_Outrepasse from the Embassy to the Palace yourself, along with a guard of your choice. You are to arrive at the Palace at 14.00. Lord Outrepasse is expected in the Oblong office to discuss the matters of international trade. No harm is to come to him before that._

_You are also requested to compile a confession form for Lord Outrepasse, which you will bring with you to the Oblong Office as well._

_H. Vetinari, _

_Patrician of Ankh-Morpork _

Vimes smiled. That was the chance he was waiting for.

oo0oo

Lord Outrepasse and his escort, Vimes, Carrot, Angua and a number of Watchmen, arrived at the Palace at two o'clock and at the Patrician's waiting room five minutes later. Drumknott immediately announced their arrival to Vetinari.

"Lord Outrepasse, sir Samuel, his Lordship will see you now." the head clerk said and showed the way to the office.

The Patrician put on a smile upon their entrance. "Lord Outrepasse, what a pleasure to finally meet you! Please take a seat." Vetinari said and pointed at one of the chairs across his desk.

Outrepasse gave a small bow and sat down. "I assure you Lord Vetinari, the pleasure and honor in meeting you, is all mine."

Vimes looked at the two smiling men confused. "Are the two of you going to sit here and exchange compliments like two old lady friends?" He turned to Vetinari and roared in exasperation "This man is a treacherous killing snake, are you actually planning to talk with him on trade?"

Vetinari raised his eyebrows, but it was Outrepasse who spoke. "And why would you accuse me in such an unfair manner Commander? I demand an immediate explanation!"

"Shut up you filth!" Vimes yelled. "Your wife confessed, and I am arresting you this very minute!"

The ambassador smiled. "You are all too ignorant Commander. Diplomatic immunity. You cannot arrest me unless I confess. And I will do no such thing, considering the fact that I'm innocent of your absurd charges."

Vimes looked at Vetinari, perplexed. The Patrician finally spoke. "Do excuse the manners of the Commander sir Jean. It is not one of his strong points." he said meekly. "Vimes, give me the papers I requested and wait outside." His voice didn't tolerate any doubt, and Vimes quietly did as ordered.

oo0oo

The Commander was pacing nervously just outside the door. The two of them had been in the Oblong Office for twenty minutes now, and all he could hear was a faint trail of the Patrician's calm and monotonous voice coming from inside, but not loud enough for him to distinguish any words. The voice suddenly stopped, and a small bell rang. Drumknott gently pushed Vimes aside and entered the office, and then beckoned to the Commander to come inside too.

Vimes went inside to see the two men sitting in the positions he had left them. There was a barely noticeable smile on his strict face. Vimes moved to see the face of Outrepasse, only to witness his expression of ultimate shock and horror. He stood motionless, his eyes revealing endless terror, as if he had just drunk a whole bottle of Klatchian, special extra strong coffee.

The man seemed oblivious to his surroundings. "Is he alive?" Vimes finally asked.

Vetinari answered with mock surprise at the statement "Why shouldn't he be? We were just talking after all."

"And what the hell did you tell him?" Vimes asked again, while waving a hand in front of the ambassador's face, who didn't even blink.

"Well mainly about international politics." the Patrician answered nonchalantly. "And then I explained to him an ancient agatean method of torture I once read in a book. He looked interested in the beginning, but then he had a rather bad reaction as you can see. As if I would ever do something like that. Well, at least he managed to sign the papers before that."

Not even a torture including a half naked Corporal Nobbs doing a belly dance could do that to a man, Vimes mused. He stopped waving his hand, and looked at the Patrician. "Papers?" he asked. "I only brought you one paper sir."

"Why, of course your grace. But he also signed the new trade agreement. One in which there are reduced taxes to the morporkian products that are sold in Quirm, but normal taxes for the quirmian products that are sold in Ankh-Morpork."

"But the king of Quirm would never accept such a treaty!" Vimes questioned.

Vetinari smiled again. "Let us just say that it is a gift to express his appreciation to the fact that we will deliver his main political opponent chain-bound, with the charge of murder."

Vimes' face went blank. "You had planned the whole thing!!!" he shouted in surprise.

"Not at all Commander" Vetinari said seriously. "He planned the assassination; I merely took advantage of it for the benefit of the city. Now, if you would please escort Lord Outrepasse to the Palace dungeons and appoint a guard, I will arrange for him to be extradited to Quirm as soon as possible. That would be all."

Vimes only nodded in response, too shocked for words to escape his mouth. He felt like a pawn in a chess game, even though he had been acting in what he thought was his free will all along. He lifted the shocked prisoner and silently left the Oblong Office.

Vetinari sat back in his straight chair once the door had closed behind the Duke. He bridged his fingers and smiled. Another successful day for Ankh-Morpork... he mused.

**THE END!!!**

Hurray!!! It's finished!!! I hope you liked the end, I tried hard to write it!!!

I had promised that I would finally reveal the reason why this is called PATO in the end.

But first things first, I would like to thank everyone who read it, and even more everyone who supported my writing through reviews and other comments!!! I would not be able to finish this without you pushing me! You all know who you are, and you are all deeply appreciated! You all know how much a good review is worth. Thank you again you lovely people!

But more than anyone else, I would like to thank Sanny for her beta, her feedback and mainly for her friendship and never ending support. THANK YOU!!!

So, finally, why is this story called PATO? Well, it could be something like Police Against Threatening Objects, but that's not even close. So let me tell you a true story about myself...

A couple of months ago, myself and various other students, were shooting a short film (I hope you don't expect to see a trailer...) in which I was (how unexpected) the bad guy. In one of the scenes, I was supposed to murder someone with a knife-however instead of a trick knife, I was given a _very _long, _very _real, _very _sharp meat knife and was told to act the murder. The shootings were at 22.00 on a Sunday night, and I had only returned from a 3-day trip abroad at 21.40, and I was extremely weary. Moreover, it had rained that night and the ground where we were shooting was very slippery. Every little detail so nicely combined... So here is what happened:

My "victim" ran franticaly in my direction-myself being invisible in the shadows (I was pretending to be Vetinari...lol) Just when he is inside my reach, he turns to see my menacing face and he knows of his impending doom. His whole life passes in a moment before his eyes as I reach out my left hand to grab him... At which point he slips on the wet cobblestones and falls on my knife-holding right hand. It was only good luck that he fell on the hilt, it was only bad luck that with the other side I stabbed my leg...

Well, you'd say, accidents happen, don't they? Three days later, and while my leg was still bleedingwe decided to shoot the scene again (with a trick knife this time...). I really don't know how it happened, but I managed to break my left thumb in the process-and I wasn't even doing anything dangerous...

I would prefer to relate these incidents to the fact that I'm rather accident prone, but Sanny insisted that I am clumsy (I wonder where she got that idea...) And she-being Spanish-decided to call me clumsy, and that's what pato means in spanish... Well, actually it means duck, and patoso means clumsy, but 'eres un pato' has the same effect...

So, now you know... And if you're still wondering what this has to do with the story, I thought of it, and started writing it while waiting for long hours in the hospital... 'Nothing bad comes without something good' as the ancient Greeks used to say...

Well, I think this is it!!! Thank you again for reading this!!! Please review and tell me what you think of the end!!! I only got two reviews for the last chapter, and I was very unhappy... ::pouting-and failing miserably to look adorable-damn, I was so good at that 20 years ago...:: Anyway, many thanks to Big Cat and Cutie Akane for these 2 reviews...

Go on, press the Go button!

Yours, BTK


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